24/05/77
Spoke with Ma and Pa, they're going to take me into the city for my appointment tomorrow. I said I would be fine with Rainer driving me. Ma does not trust the doctors there. There's all sorts of machines that they use now, Rainer says I can even know the baby's sex. I just need to know he's healthy. Call it mothers intuition but I will love it either way.
25/05/77
Today was very hard. Pa wasn't talking to me again, he said nothing the whole drive and did not come in with Ma and me. Said it wasn't a mans business. Ma wasn't much better. She asked the doctor a lot of questions and I barely got a word in. I don't understand. They both wanted nothing to do with me when they found out but now Ma cares that the baby is born healthy?
Why do I wish they would leave me alone? They are my family, imagine my baby didn't want me in his life. I need to get out of this house. I feel so lost since I stopped going to church but I cannot take their stares.
31/08/77
We fought. Really bad. Pa finally cracked, didn't want a whore under his roof anymore. Not when the baby's due early November. At Rainer's. I feel so sick and stressed and afraid.
13/09/77
They have her behind glass. The doctor says she's doing great for being weeks premature. Why would He make her need to be hooked up to all those machines? I heard her crying. My sweet baby was crying and I couldn't hug her.